The Wedding Ceremony Planner: The Essential Guide to the Most Important Part of Your Wedding Day

June 16, 2010

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Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Many couples want a spiritual but not a religious ceremony that truly celebrates their unique set of beliefs, values and life circumstances. They want their ceremony, their way but don’t know where to begin or what questions they need to ask. The Wedding Ceremony Planner is a comprehensive and user-friendly guide. It covers everything you need to know to create a beautiful ceremony text and to anticipate and address all the profound and mundane logistics with ease, grace and fun. It includes hundreds of text excerpts reflecting the many voices with which our hearts speak. There are also ten sample ceremony texts, including those used to address such situations as the inclusion of children, the telling of the couple’s story, the renewal of vows and a commitment ceremony. Checklists and worksheets are included to manage all the details. The Wedding Ceremony Planner is also an invaluable resource for clergy of all faiths, wedding planners and location coordinators. Sprinkled with anecdotes about lessons learned by couples creating their weddings, this book is filled with the wisdom of experience.

From the Author

As an Ecumenical Minister, I honor all religions and spiritual traditions and each person’s right to find his or her own way in these matters. Performing weddings is one of my favorite ways to minister, for it keeps me constantly in touch with the remarkable power of love in our lives.

I have performed hundreds of wedding ceremonies and have run into just about every eventuality, from a flower girl who was afraid of hurting the flowers by pulling off their petals, to a bilingual ceremony with sign language. Whether you have children from a previous marriage to include in the ceremony, sensitive parental attitudes, or some other concern, it can be addressed in your ceremony with grace and sensitivity. The decision of two people to live in a committed relationship is one of the most beautiful things that can happen in life, and I find their choice to be united in marriage a sacred and joyous cause for celebration. It is a public declaration of love, hope, devotion and the couple’s intention to nurture themselves, each other, the relationship, and any children brought into the family by their union. My heart looks past any differences in race, creed, color, situation, or circumstance and I wildly applaud people for caring so deeply for each other. As you step across this threshold together, may you tenderly love one another and yourselves, and be blessed with a safe and happy marriage journey.

About the Author

Rev. Judith Johnson, PhD, lives in Rhinebeck, New York. She is an ordained ecumenical minister honoring all religious and spiritual traditions, and has officiated at hundreds of weddings over the past fourteen years. She is a social psychologist maintaining a private practice counseling individuals and families. She also serves as an executive coach and consultant for entrepreneurial and corporate clients. Reverend Johnson holds master’s degrees in business administration and spiritual science and a doctorate in social psychology. She is currently working on a second doctorate in spiritual science focusing on the issue of trust in the divine, ourselves, and each other.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

How to Design Your Wedding Ceremony

The wedding ritual is the ceremonial container for the celebration of a couple’s love and their decision to journey through their lives together. To assist those of you who are embarking on the adventure of designing your own wedding ceremony, this section of the book contains collections of passages to be used for each of the traditional ceremonial components. You are encouraged to trust your own instincts as you read through the choices, choosing those elements that are right for you. The worksheet entitled “Designing the Ceremony Text” can be a helpful tool in collecting those passages that speak to you as you create a very rough first draft. Using the sample provided on page 23 as a guide, begin with the blank form provided for you on page 291. Just hold up the mirror of yourselves to the passages included here and you will find the ones that ring true for you. Feel free to find sentiments in one section that you would like to use in another, or to change or eliminate words or phrases, or use only a sentence or two from here or there. With the exception of rewriting poetry, give yourself lots of editorial license.
As with any well-constructed ritual, a wedding ceremony has a certain flow and order to it that leads up to the sacred moment of the exchange of vows and rings and the pronouncement that the bride and groom are now wife and husband. The format that is presented in this section provides a sequencing of components that allows for flow and order, yet customizing of the ceremony to your own taste.
It’s a good idea to start with a rough draft and allow yourselves to explore various ideas without being concerned about what will make it into the final version. Like filling your plates at a smorgasbord, just gather all those items that appeal to you-discernment will follow. This more relaxed approach fosters greater creativity and the opportunity to consider the various components of the ceremony over time. It also allows you to more carefully consider and negotiate your way with passages that one of you likes and the other does not.
You may feel a bit overwhelmed by the volume of text choices. However, you are likely to find that the process of elimination goes much faster than anticipated and you will be able to come up with a rough draft in several hours. At this point, you may not have chosen readings and, if you are planning to write your own vows, you may want to do so after the first draft is written. Then you can work with the draft, giving careful consideration to the specific wordings, sequencing, and adding or deleting words and sections until it is just what you want. If the officiant is actively working with you on the ceremony text, it is helpful if you set specific deadlines for completing the text well in advance of the ceremony. Of course, there is not always that much time or the luxury of meeting in person, in which case you and the officiant can customize your process to your circumstances. Most of the couples I work with prefer to send email drafts back and forth until the text is complete.
I always give each couple a copy of their finalized wedding ceremony. This way, when guests want copies of certain passages, the bride and groom can easily provide them. And, many couples like to keep their ceremony among their wedding day keepsakes. On their anniversary, or anytime, some rededicate themselves to their vows, perform the candle ceremony together, or quietly re-read their ceremony together. It is a loving reminder of the foundation they have laid for their marriage.

Designing the Ceremony Text Worksheet
Sample
1. Create a rough draft. Use the sample text elements that have been included in this book and any others that you have gathered for inclusion in your ceremony. List all items in the order in which you would like them to occur. If you only want a segment of a sample item or want to change the wording, make note of that here as well. Remember, this is just a rough draft. So, don’t be too concerned about editing at this point. Just focus on gathering those elements that speak to you, at least in part. At this stage, you are likely to select more passages than will appear in your final ceremony text.
Opening Prayer: OP2 Page XX
Gathering Words: GW3, lines 1-12 Page XX
GW5 Page XX
Remembrance/Acknowledgment: RA3, lines 1-3 Page XX
Names to be included: maternal grandparents _____ and _____ _____
Readings and Songs: Selection Author Reader/Singer
Declaration of Support: DS3 Page XX
Marriage Address: MA2 Page XX
Sacred Rituals: WC Page XX
Vows: To be written later
Ring Exchange:
Officiant Prelude: PRE8&9 Page XX
Couple: RE1 Page XX
Final Blessing: FB3 Page XX
2. Identify any additional elements you would like to include in your ceremony such as religious or family traditions and note where they will occur:
3. Once you have created a rough draft according to your directions above, begin the editing and fine tuning process. Be sure to read the text aloud to be sure that it flows smoothly and isn’t too long or short for what you want. Set a specific deadline for completion of the ceremony text well in advance of the ceremony.